Snapshot Poem: "Might"

might have to end it all
after all
it’s all over anyway
tired of the confusion
upset with my own delusions
but not wanting to substitute their illusions
God knows I’ve wanted to figure it out
and I’ve tried with all my…

might have to run away
too scared what will happen to me if I stay
and settling down into this quicksand fate
mocks the thought of destiny
makes all of the prophecies seem like hypocrisy
don’t want to pay the cost
so maybe I’ll just get lost
write a letter saying “I can’t do this anymore; I’m tired
but I really did love you, with all of my…”

might have to make a life out of this
quilt a blanket of joy
from the tattered pieces of dreams never to be realized
the broken pieces of me behind the disguise
elders said stay, and if I strive to be wise
I must first heed wisdom
(I suppose)
want to make the adult decision
but in this situation my immaturity has come raging out of remission
and He’s tried to use that double-edged sword to make an incision
though He slay me
but I feel like I’m bleeding to death
flesh and spirit draining from my side until there’s nothing left
head hung low
Father, why have you forsaken me!
really, do you know what it’s like to be slain?
for me it is too much
and I don’t think I can bear this weight
I don’t think I can live this life
I don’t think I can take another step
on this path
too weak, and too angry to follow behind a crowd I’m not sure if I trust anymore
too wary too find out if I can trust anymore
but something small and still within me is still believing that He loves me with all of His..

might have to let it all go
give up the fantasy for good
open the gates
and let my emotions flow
trust that God will calm the waters, and that time will show
that a good life here is possible
that I can overcome all the obstacles
that peace
and love
and joy
and soul-satisfaction are probable
if I love Him with all of my…