that girl

my heart hadn't beat all day
until the moment that you squeezed my hand.
just like that
i gave it up again.
easy.

i try to be hard

except that
it's so difficult to constantly fight against
such essential desire
denying that I need love
seems to me the highest breach of my own sacredness
i am lost to myself
and yet
i won't survive here as
that
girl.

that vulnerable girl.
that open girl.
that soft and insecure girl
gently crying then sobbing
and beaming smiling
that girl who craves your attention
and would crawl into your lap
and curl up like a cat
and just pur.
if she could

she is far
too delicate
to survive here.
in the land of clever detachment
and nonchalance.
there is no milk or honey here
not even any water
no sun
just the dimness turning disbelief into
something we call worthy
and the noxious smells of putrid hearts
rotting from under use
growing roots
and sinking into the soil.
growing into trees of knowledge.
we celebrate, and though the fruit is not good to eat,
we feast
keeping the veil pulled tight around our painful revelries
Love may not lay eyes
upon us now.
Here, the people free their souls from the burden
of divinity
and prefer to take their bitters
as desserts.

souls
will surely die in this place.
and mine is no different.
so I put her away
for safekeeping.
but in all her weakness
she is a risk-taker
and refuses to be shut-up
around you.

but that girl
bright and rapidly fading
will not survive here.

snake and bird

it is hard for me to comprehend
that love is a thing for which some
have no vision

i know love
like a snake knows the earth
intimately
it is my home
my world
the only plane on which i move
belly, heart, voice, soul, womb
pressed up against it always
writhing over it
becoming alive by this awkward
curving way
birthing and rebirthing myself
into its hands
a piece of my soul is in it
and it keeps me drawn close
magnetically
skin to skin
i breathe it
as much as air
i live in its dust

but you
are a bird
what you know of earth
is paltry
air is your way
you seek to rise above
the dirt that is my cleansing
still
you come here
to be fed
if only for moments at a time

your kind
descends from mine
and somewhere
you must still feel it
gravity has not let you go so far
yet
you are still pulled
if not as close
you need this
you need this

a snake
in love with a bird
will never fare well
he is too high for her
she is too low for him
but she is the only reason he is here
and in him are her hopes of evolution
how could it not be meant?

one day
all birds must land

perhaps by then
she will have sprouted wings